David Plays Trains

David received a train set for his birthday and loves to play with it. He will bring the pieces to me so I can put it together for him. I love the sounds he makes!

Here is a quick video of Jadyn speaking in front of her entire school. She actually volunteered to have a speaking part. I guess she isn't my shy little girl anymore.

Sunday

On Sunday, it seemed like we needed to stay home and rest. Well, we ended up staying home but not resting. We had all chipped in to give Jesse a basketball hoop for his birthday the previous October. Up until this time, Jesse and I had failed to even open the box. My dad and I love to put things like this together. I'm not exactly sure how we got started but when Dave went down for a nap we found ourselves building the basketball hoop together. I'm really glad we did as my dad's presence was invaluable. We had a great time and ended up with a basketball hoop that was put together correctly (no small feat). Once again it was a perfect day! I bonded with my dad in a way that I hadn't expected.

While we worked on the hoop, the girls had a great time playing various board games with my mom. The girls had a great time and have great memories with my mom and dad. I love that every time I look at the basketball hoop I will remember this amazing trip.

Saturday

We had planned to go to Shelburne Farm on Saturday. When we woke up it looked like it was going to rain but we decided to try anyway. By the time we reached the farm it was raining hard; we figured we were already there so we made the best of it. I loved watching my dad snuggle Jadyn to keep her warm and dry on the tractor ride up to the farm. Once we stepped of the tractor we walked/ran to the farm barn. There we were told that a baby goat had just been born and there might be another on the way. We were blessed to watch as the 2nd baby goat made it's way into the world. We gave a few suggestions for the goats' names but they did not end up using any of them.

We stayed at the farm for awhile playing in the playroom, milking a cow, and watching the animals. When we started to get hungry we rode on the tractor back to our car. The ride back wasn't quite as wet. We had a delicious lunch at Pauline's Cafe. My dad and Jesse tried the Gazpacho. My dad decided that the one he makes is better, but that this one was okay.

After lunch we went to Church Street. We didn't end up staying long. It was wet the kids were miserable. I'm going to have to take my mom back on her next visit as I think she would really enjoy window shopping.

Thursday and Friday

Today, we went grocery shopping so that everyone would have things to eat that they liked. At Healthy Living the girls went with my parents to the deli. My parents treated the girls to some smoothies. We also had hot dogs at Costco for lunch. I pickled some cucumbers and onions for my dad when we came home. It was a bit of a boring day. I'm was hoping that they could use the day to recover from their flight.

On Friday morning we went to see Matthew Witten sing at the library. We all enjoyed the music. Dave tried on my Dad's sunglasses and looked adorable.

I wanted to implement an idea from a blog called A Magical Childhood. The owner of the blog had posted directions on how to make different marble runs. The one that sounded the most interesting to me was a marble run using swimming noodles. We had purchased some from Hannafords the day before but quickly realized that we would need more. She took a short trip to Big Lots for more noodles. When we came home my dad and I created a marble run that started in the upstairs bathroom and then headed downstairs. Part way down the stairs we add a loop and then curved it around the doorway and into the dining room. It ended in Dave's blue chair at the table. This will be one of most precious memories of my dad that I will forever treasure. I loved how we worked together to cut the noodles and found a system that was nearly flawless. We drew guide lines and I cut. I think I also cooked my dad's breakfast which I did several times during the trip. It somehow made me feel useful like I was helping. Something that I have been struggling with is my inability to help my parents on a daily or even weekly basis.

Finally it's Wednesday

It's finally Wednesday and my parents are set to arrive this afternoon. The girls are so excited. Kasey asked all morning if it was to get them. I told her after lunch and she asked if we could have lunch now. Aww, a four year old's sense of time. We picked them up from the airport and came home to have something to eat. The girls gave them our notes that we wrote. We spent most of the afternoon relaxing. I think I might have made hot wings for dinner though I can't remember.

Countdown

The girls and I made rings from construction paper and used them to countdown the last 5 days until my parent's visit. I wrote down a note for Kasey on two, a note from Jadyn on two, and a note from myself on the last one. I plan on giving them to my parents when they get here. The girls are excited to start opening them.

I have so many plans that I know we will not be able to do everything that I want to do. I hope everything works out well.

T-minus 7 days

By some miracle my dad's numbers are up on his past two blood tests! Which means, he's coming to visit!! Woot, woot!! He will be here in 7 short days. I'm hoping to come up with some sort of countdown, but since I'm under the weather today, I think it will wait till tomorrow.

On another note, Jadyn's last day of school is tomorrow. This year has seemingly dragged on forever. Summer vacation here we come.

Jadyn's school project

Jadyn created this in school this year. So sweet!!

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My Parents

I have a book called Furry Logic Parenthood by Jane Seabrook. It's a cute book that has fun little quips matched with cute drawings of animals. One of my favotite quotes is, "The moment you have children, you forgive your parents ... everything". I have found this to be absolutely true. Along with my kids came a big slice of humble pie. As a parent, I'm also learning to forgive myself, learn from my mistakes and move on. This is harder than one would think.

Looking back now I have a clearer view of all the wonderful gifts my parents have given me. My mom took the time to teach me the basics of reading a recipe and cooking; I can now prepare meals for my family. She also taught me how to use a sewing machine though I'm not sure I will ever sew as well as does. My mom also taught me how to persevere when things get tough.

My dad taught me to try many different hobbies in life. I know I won't be as naturally good at them as he is but I try them none the less. He is also taught me how to take risks.

One of the most precious gifts they gave me was the drive to go to college. It was never a question of if I'll go but where I will go. I think they would have done just about anything to give me the opportunity to go to college. I hope I can instill the same values in my children.

Colorado

I am back from another great trip to Colorado. One of the things I love most about going home is all the familiar experiences, songs, sounds, etc. from my childhood. At one point I glanced at my parents movie collection and saw the movie "The Gods Must Be Crazy." I remember watching it with my parents several times. My dad would laugh so hard.

David and I went by ourselves again. Our flight came in at 10:30 Saturday night. Thanks, Mom, for picking us up so late. Unfortunately the airline lost a piece of the car seat base. We made due with what we had and stopped by Walmart for a temporary fix. It was after midnight when we finally made it home. Fortunately David slept well that night and didn't wake up until 8 Sunday morning.

Sunday was my birthday. I was excited to spend my birthday with my parents. In the past year I have been there to celebrate my mom's birthday, my dad's birthday and my birthday. I feel blessed to have been able to plan my trips this way.

We relaxed Sunday morning and then went to Texas Roadhouse for a birthday lunch. I, of course, had my favorite prime rib. My dad told me if I paid him $10 he wouldn't tell the wait staff that it was my birthday. I didn't pay and he didn't tell. Looks like escaped this time. :-)

After lunch my parents took me shopping for clothes. I bought a few things to keep at their house, so that I don't have to pack anything for myself next time. We also bought a new car seat at Wally World. The new car seat base fits the old car seat which is nice. Once we were home, my mom started making a fabulous carrot cake for my birthday. I had a difficult time holding my self to one piece.

On Monday Dad had the first of 5 dacogen treatments. Mom and I dropped him off and then ran a few errands. I told the girls and Jesse that I would bring some chocolate home from Rocky Mountain Chocolate factory. After we picked up some tasty chocolate treats, we took Cody to the dog park. We walked the loop throwing him the ball a few times and then headed back to the hospital.

Dad wasn't quite done, so Mom held David while I sat with Dad. I could tell the nurses enjoy my dad as they were making jokes about putting him in the corner. I pulled over a chair and shared a candy with my dad. No, it wasn't dairy free but sometimes I need to throw caution to the wind and live in the moment.

We took Dad to the dentist after his infusion and then went home. Dad took a nap and that evening we took the famous "just out of the bath" picture with Dad. David decided that Grandpa's finger looked mighty tasty, so he put it in his mouth. Then he started sucking on the finger. My dad said that it took him by surprise and that David has a strong suck.

That night we had the dreaded funeral discussion. I think we were able to work things out to accomodate everyone. I was truly honored when he said that he wanted to wear the Thursday hat that we had given him. If I get a chance I'm going to take a picture of David in the hat. Then I will make a collage of the kids wearing the hat and slip it into the coffin. It's strange to be thinking of these things. I think I'm also going to design the program. We'll see how that goes.

I went to the airport Monday night to get Chip. I was hoping to talk to him on the way back, but David didn't cooperate. I went to bed shortly after returning home since I had an early morning ahead of me.

Dad took me to the airport early Tuesday morning. I was running a bit late but ended up getting there with some time to spare. I had a great talk with my dad on the way there. There is so much to tell him, but I'm often am too shy to say any of it. Perhaps that's something I can blog later.

Once I was settled at my gate I texted Dad to tell him that we timed it wrong, and I had to actually wait for my flight. He wrote back that he would see me in Chicago. I must admit the I let myself hope that he would actually be there in Chicago when I arrived. In some ways I don't think I will ever grow up and stop dreaming. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it out again, but I truly hope I do.

Home again, home again jiggety-jig

I booked another trip to Colorado. I leave on March 12th. Unfortunately, Chip and I will not be there at the same time. He flies in the night before I leave. I am thankful to be spending my birthday with my parents. Last time I spent a birthday with them was my 21st birthday when they took me to Vegas. That was a trip to remember.

The girls will only spend one afternoon with a friend this time. They are a little sad to not see me on my birthday, but I hope they do something fun in honor of it. I also plan on making some cupcakes to celebrate. Gluten-free, dairy free, soy free german chocolate cupcakes. Yummy!! I think I might add a bit more chocolate this time. West Meadow Farms Bakery has fabulous products and recipes!!

On another note, Jadyn told me the other day that everything is better with bacon. I love that girl!!

Homeward Bound (Monday)

I woke up early Monday morning, so I could shower before my flight. I said good bye to my dad and brother and then my mom took me to the airport. It was hard to leave! My mom walked me and I almost couldn't force myself to walk through the security line.

The plane rides went well though I have to admit I cried a few time. I knew that I would need to go back and soon. Which brings me full circle to why I named these posts Homeward Bound. I have never felt so torn between two places. They are both my homes, and I am needed/wanted in both places. I hate having to choose one.

Thankfully, I am going back in March.

Homeward Bound (Sunday)

On Sunday morning my dad and brother made breakfast burritos while I talked to the girls and Jesse on Skype. It was fun watching them cook together in the kitchen. It was also great to see my dad up and around. He ended up having a good day.

My Aunt Bonnie visited on later in the morning. I had some very mixed emotions as I sat there listening to them reminsce about old times. There were some good times amongst some bad. Things that they both regretted and wished they could change. I'm glad they are having some of these converstations though I wish they had had them a long time ago.

After Bonnie left we decided take a trip into the Springs. My dad was feeling well enough to get outside for awhile. We took Cody to the dog park again and then had lunch at Texas Roadhouse.

In the afternoon/evening we watched the moving Red. Great movie to end a great day.
Around 7:00 I got off my parents bed and realized that I had a gigantic hole in the butt of my pants. Of course, I had also forgotten the extra pair that I had planned to bring. So... at 7:30 Chip and I went to the Walmart in Woodland Park.

Homeward Bound (Saturday)

David and I woke up early Saturday morning. Chip was also up early. We sat in the dark together in the room that was mine when I was young. We had a great discussion, but I don't remember what it was about. I felt at peace during this time; knowing I was exactly where I should be. I haven't felt that way since coming back to Vermont.

Chip, David and I went back to sleep eventually. We woke some time later and started our day. After taking showers, Chip and I went down to the Springs to pick up some things. Chip wanted to fix a few things around the house, and we both wanted to clean. We went to Home Depot first and after walking around for awhile searching for what we needed, I finally asked someone what aisle we needed. Made me laugh that we had fulfilled the stereotype of the woman asking for directions.

After Home Depot we stopped by Wally World as my dad says, also known as Walmart. After Walmart we dropped off some trash filled the gas tank and headed over to Garden of the Gods. Why Garden of the Gods!?! Cody, the dog, had joined us on our trip and we wanted to take him to the park to run around. He is a great dog. We waits patiently in the car hoping that you will take him somewhere fun.

We turned onto 30th (still quite a ways away) and Cody started going crazy. He paced in the car whining eventually sitting on the passenger's seat (I was in the back attempting to keep David happy). He started pressing his nose against the windshield which lasted until we stopped for a stop sign and he bumped his nose against the windshield. He decided at that point that it might be better to sit back a little. He didn't stop whining until we had parked. We opened up the side door of the van. He was so excited to get out that he tried to fit between the seat and the side of the car to get out. We threw the ball for him a few times. He missed catching one of them and face-planted in the dirt. Crazy dog. On the way back he finished peeing on every tree between the car and the field and stepped in the one and only mud puddle that was there.

Once home, Chip and I began fixing and cleaning. My dad was sleeping quite a bit as he had a fever from surgery. At one point his fever was dangerously high (for him). We called the doctor and he said to wait it out awhile longer as long as it didn't keep going up. We all fell apart a little at this point and started turning on each other before creating a plan of action. We needed a place to start saving paperwork, so that it would be easily accessible. Guessing about medical numbers just doesn't work.

That night we had Dad's birthday dinner. We had steak, baked potatos and green beans. I couldn't help myself; I started singing, "Beans, beans the magic fruit, the more you eat the more you toot. The more you toot the better you feel so lets eat beans for every meal." My dad and I alternated lines then I sang, "Beans, beans they're good for your heart the more you eat the more you fart. The more you fart the better you feel so lets eat beans for every meal." My dad said that he hadn't heard that one. Later on during dinner my brother said, "Do you ever have cheese?" He had intended to follow up with, "Who cuts the cheese?" He didn't get a chance to, because we realized where he was going and all started laughing. We must have sat there at the table laughing for a good 10 minutes. My dad said that he hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. We continued to laugh about it throughout the rest of my visit. As ridiculous as it sounds this evening will be a treasured memory of my family.

Homeward bound (Friday)

David and I went home last weekend to visit my dad. We took a taxi to the airport which a first for me. It went well and the driver was great. The plane rides out went smoothly as well. David slept most of the time. Chip picked me up from the airport, and I couldn't help but smile as I walked out of the airport.

My dad was scheduled to have a port put in that morning. They were late getting him in and then it took quite some time for him to be discharged. He didn't get home until the evening. I was disappointed to have one of my days cut short. He was tired and didn't feel well that night. I did have wonderful lunch with my mom. We had a chance to talk about her plans. We also did some grocery shopping. David smiled at my mom all day.

We had hamburgers for dinner that night. Then we had cake to celebrate my dad's 58th birthday. Happy birthday dad! The cake was german chocolate from Little London.



I was exhausted after waking up early and traveling for a good portion of the day so I went to bed early.

Grandkids

I was asking my dad some questions from the Grandpa book today. A few of them were questions about grandkids. I could hear the regret and sadness in his voice when he was answering them. Having both kids living in different states he feels like he doesn't have a relationship with his grandkids. It's breaking my heart as I do want them to know him and now the opportunity is gone. I had a hard time holding back tears as he was talking. It doesn't help that my kids have expressed a desire to live next to their grandparents. They are longing for that relationship as well. I love our life here in Vermont but wish my parents could have lived closer.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and can be really hard to process and live with. I am thankful to have great memories of our trips to Colorado.

Grandpa book

As I'm going through the book with my dad, I am learning so much about him. There are things that I thought I knew about him, but I'm finding that some of my assumptions are wrong. It is fun finding new things that we have in common. I wish I had started this much earlier. He really is a truly amazing person, and I'm not ready to let go. I've always felt like he as so much he could teach me and now all that knowledge will be lost.

I am so excited to go home in February. I am constantly thinking about that trip. My brother will be out there as well. It will be the first time just the four of us (plus David) will be together in at least 10 years.

90 days and counting

Well, I set up this blog quite some time ago but this is my first entry. After finding out that my dad's cancer is progessing I felt like I wanted to have a place to write about it. I found out over a week ago that he is unlikely to make it one more year. Up until then I had operated under the naive idea that he would always be here. I never imagined a time where I couldn't pick up the phone and call him.

I immediately ordered a book called Grandpa Do You Remember When. Now I am relishing our daily talks where he answers questions from the book. I'm learning things about him that I never knew and now my kids will now more about him as well.

At his last appointment the "experts" said that he has around 90 days. As of today that number is down to 88. I am going to spend the next 88 days soaking in everything I can from him. Including a visit home in a few short weeks.